Day Nine Hundred and Eighty Nine of Unemployment-Fifty and Unemployed

Early Morning

I got up early this morning for my half marathon. I had set everything out last night, so I knew that if I slept in a little, I’d still be okay. I usually get up around this time for my weekly run to yoga anyway. I’m going to miss my free yoga class at Lululemon today because of the race. Ironically enough, the yoga instructor today is the ‘running’ instructor who incorporates poses for runners.

Race Morning

I was feeling pretty good. I had gotten a good night’s sleep. I was injury-free. I got to eat my bagel. I got to the start line in plenty of time. I wasn’t too cold running in shorts. I was ready and raring to go!

As I started my race, I decided to go out fast out the gate. I don’t usually do that but I was feeling pretty good. I felt a little smug as I ran past people. I was able to keep up my pace for a long time. I would stop and take pictures of the scenery. I kept an eye on certain people to try to keep up with them after I’d take the picture.

The first time I looked at my watch, I mis-read it. I thought that it was an hour longer and I panicked. Then I re-read it and saw that I was doing a great job! I had visions of a new PB dancing in my head.

It wasn’t until mile 8 that I started to notice people passing me. It didn’t seem like I was running slower but apparently I was. What really bothered me was that I was getting passed by people I had written off as coming in much later than me.

As I reached mile 11, I really panicked. How could I suddenly be so behind? At this point, save a miracle, I would be lucky to finish anywhere close to my PB. I kept up my mantra, ‘you can rest once you hit the finish line, you can rest once you hit the finish line.’

I did one desperate burst at the end as I crossed the finish line. I did not do a PB. This was not my best time, nor was it my worst. It was mediocre. I was so emotional, I wanted to cry. How could everything be going so well and still end up as average?

I had a crappy time during my last half-marathon, but I had an excuse, I was injured and I could barely straighten my knee! The previous time, I wore ski pants that kept falling down. Today, I had near perfect conditions, I had no excuses.

Post Race Crash

I was so disappointed that I didn’t do better in this race. I had everything going in when I started but some how, I just couldn’t run faster. While I was running, I tried to come up with explanations. Well, you are getting older. But there were lots of others in my age category who ran faster than me. Then, I blamed my holiday weight gain. That wasn’t a good excuse either because there were several bigger runners that beat me.

After the race, I didn’t go home right away. I just aimlessly walked around downtown. I kept going over all aspects of the race. I felt so depressed. I have so many stresses in my life, like my long-term unemployment and running always presented something that made me feel better, made me believe that if I worked at something, I would see results. (In contrast to endless job applications that led to no where).

Preparing for School Presentation

I am volunteering for Junior Achievement tomorrow. The last presentation that I had done was for their pilot program. I usually have a briefcase with all of the materials but for some reason I could not find it. I looked for it for hours and have no idea what happened to it. This is yet another indication of how my excess clutter is affecting my life. This only added to my depressive state.

I have presented this school presentation many times so I knew that it wasn’t crucial to have the volunteer guide with me. Still, I sent an email to the Regional Manager to ask if there was an extra one she could bring for me. She responded right away. Now, I’ll have to go to the school early to make sure that I’m familiar with the new agenda.

Day Five Hundred and Forty Five of Unemployment-Fifty and Unemployed

Home Office Set Up Drags On

I can’t believe that I am still not finished setting up my home office. It seems like every time I get one section done, another needs more discarding and organizing. I do want to make a good effort to organize it the way that I should, especially if I’m going to be spending a lot of time in here.

For years, this room has been my shove-it-all-out-of-sight room. That has included everything and anything so now I’m paying for all that haste over years of ‘cleaning’. I have managed to get rid of more stuff today so that’s good.

The Tweet I’ve Been Waiting For

I finally got the tweet that I’ve been waiting for. The firm that I want to work for has a twitter page for job seekers. I’ve been following them for a while to see if they would tweet when a job is available.

So far, they have tweeted for positions in other cities but at this point in my life, I’m not willing to move for a job. Finally, they mentioned a position in Vancouver today. I was quite ecstatic when I read that! I’ve been waiting for that news for so long, months since I went to the Annual General Meeting where they talked of expansion and hiring.

You would think that since I’ve been anticipating this posting, I’d be ready to apply, but no, I’m not. I have to spend time updating my resume. It has changed, for the better, in the last several months. I’ve upgraded my credentials with my Elder Planning Counsellor designation and by volunteering with Junior Achievement in students’ financial literacy programs. I’m going to take time and apply early next week.

American Thanksgiving

Today is American Thanksgiving. I got a call from my friend who lives in Palm Desert half of the year. She was all excited getting ready to host a Thanksgiving dinner for 14 people. She had a large one here for Canadian thanksgiving and now she is doing the US one.

I told her that I was also hosting a party this weekend. She asked me how my place looked. She wondered if I had gotten rid of enough clutter so that I could have people over. I said that I have been working on it all week and that it should be fine by Saturday.

Both of us have trouble accumulating. We try to ‘talk tough’ to each other when the other may be having difficulties. She was having trouble when she was downsizing from her large home to an apartment. It’s a lot easier to see reason when it’s not your own stuff!

Black Friday Apathy

So many of my friends assumed that I would be going across the border for black Friday sales tomorrow. I was surprised that I’ve gotten such a reputation though I guess it has been earned since I have gone down the past several years. I am known as the big black Friday expert I guess.

Aside from a cheap laptop that I sorely need. I don’t have any desire to buy anything in particular. I looked at the black Friday ads well ahead of time and nothing jumped out at me to either 1. go into debt for and 2. be something that I truly needed.

Am I becoming more financially responsible and mature? I hope so. That being said, I did just go to Seattle a couple of weeks ago, so I’m not cured of my unnecessary shopping addiction yet.

Day Five Hundred and Twenty One of Unemployment-Fifty and Unemployed

Late Night

Last night, for some odd reason, I couldn’t fall asleep until after 4 AM. Despite this late time, I was able to wake up fairly early. I have to admit that I might have had trouble falling asleep because of the added anxiety I’ve been feeling lately.

Despite the long run that I did yesterday, the euphoria that I felt during and after it did not last. I felt a bit of a despair because I didn’t like what a contrast I felt from yesterday to today.

Cleaning and Clearing Day

I made a vow to do as much cleaning and clearing out today. I was not going to leave my home for anything. That did not take too much convincing because the weather has turned again, it was dark, overcast and drizzly. I had to have all of the lights on all day.

Nostalgic Over Things

I was able to get rid of a dozen sweaters with no problems. I was focussing on thinking about the homeless people who could use a warm sweater in this cold winter weather. I felt a little proud of myself for being able to get rid of so many.

But then, I started to go through my old t-shirts. I felt embarrassed that I have t-shirts from almost twenty years ago that I have not worn in many years. I started to get sentimental over them. Some of them represented all of the different places where I’ve travelled to. Some were memories of old squash tournaments or races I’ve run.

I knew that I was in trouble. Although the rational me can say that I would never wear these shirts again because they either didn’t fit or whatever, the sentimental and emotional me didn’t want to part with them. I had to set them aside for another time. I will work at trying to be practical before tackling that chore again.

Voice Over Reading

Tomorrow is my first class of my voice acting class. I have two books on voice over work that I took out from the library and was able to renew only one of them. So I spent part of the day trying to finish one of the books since I’d have to return it to the library.

Although I had taken a two-day voice over workshop not too long ago, this class will be 4 classes, 3 of which will be in a recording studio. I think that I will feel more confident after this workshop. I’m looking forward to the class tomorrow.

Deadlines

I’ve been thinking a lot about the progress of my job search lately. Aside from the financial stress that I’m facing, I’m also worrying that I am spinning my wheels and not forcing myself to make decisions about my life.

Here it is, already November. There are only a few weeks left before the end of the year! I admit that it’s affecting me psychologically. The end of the year… I feel as if I should have finished any decisions about what I want to do by now. But here I am, still looking at voice over work and also, a return to the financial industry.

I also have the deadline I’ve set for myself to get rid of my clutter. I know that once I’ve gotten that under control, it’ll be easier for me to concentrate on my career. I can only hope so.

Day Five Hundred and Six of Unemployment-Fifty and Unemployed

Woke Up Early

I had another good night’s sleep last night. I don’t know why I had another good night’s sleep but I’m not going to question it. After so many weeks and months of fragmented sleep and anxiety, these last few nights have been welcome! It’s been so long since I’ve had good sleep, I had almost forgotten how nice it can be!

Ran to Free Oakridge Lululemon Yoga Class

I was looking forward to my weekly run to my free yoga class at the Oakridge Lululemon store this morning. Although it was overcast, it wasn’t that cold, so it was a pleasant enough run. Every day that I have a rain-less run is a plus to me.

One of my favorite yoga instructors is back for three weeks! I was glad to hear that! She had taught us a few weeks ago but only for one class. She’s been busy lately so we’re glad that she’s back, if even for just three weeks.

The class was packed. Last week it was really busy and this week it was as well. I noticed that some of the regulars who had usually sauntered in five minutes before class, were here at least fifteen minutes early in order to snag a spot.

Class went well and I left it feeling relaxed and energized at the same time. I regret that I will have to miss next week’s class due to work but there will be one more class with this instructor before she’s off again.

Church Bazaar

Despite my intentions to not spend needlessly, I found myself at a local church bazaar. At our clutter class, we were supposed to test ourselves and go to places to try to make an effort to not acquire anything. It would be like an alcoholic going into a bar and not ordering any alcohol.

Unfortunately, I was not able to pass the test. I did end up buying a few books. I thought long and hard before buying and convinced myself that since it wasn’t much money, I could buy them.

Funny enough, somebody from my clutter group was there! I went up to her and joked, ‘what are you doing here?’. It turned out that this was her church and that she had not only donated things but also volunteered. I didn’t mention that I had weakened and had a bag of books that I had bought there.

Gathering Up Donations

In so many articles and books on clutter, there will often be a rule, something comes in, something has to go out to balance it. Although the rule seems logical, I’ve never been able to abide by it. Today was no exception.

Because I had bought some books, I figured that I should get rid of some books to make up for it. But since I had donated bags of books just last week, I didn’t feel the need to have to do that today.

I do want to pay a visit to the First United Church tomorrow, so I did make a bit of an effort to gather up some stuff to donate. Sometimes I get too sentimental though, and if I’m in a mood like that, I can’t bear to part with anything. It’s better if I just wait to let the mood pass and try again.

Set Up Office

I’ve been trying to think about how my home office will be different from what it was before. Years ago, I had my own eBay business and I used to sell china and art glass, among other things. For a while, I was able to do okay but then once the exchange rate between the US and Canada equalized, I wasn’t able to make as much profit. I eventually abandoned the idea and only used my eBay account for buying.

So now I have to get rid of the inventory that I have in shelves in my home office and replace it will stuff I want to sell from my retail blog. I got started today but it will take a lot more work. As I was sorting stuff out, I felt badly about how my business had failed and it made me sad.

After a while, I just had to stop. Although I do feel pretty optimistic about starting up my home business again, part of me feels anxious and apprehensive. I have to keep trying to be positive.

Day Four Hundred and Ninety Nine of Unemployment-Fifty and Unemployed –

Ran to Weekly Free Lululemon Yoga Class and Back

This morning was another beautiful sunny day. It was a little cold but I had a headband under my cap to keep out the wind. It was also cold enough to warrant wearing mitts.

This run was just as nice as it was yesterday. I was able to run at a fairly fast pace uphill. As usual, the streets were deserted at this time of the morning for the most part. I used to run into some of the Running Room Sunday runners but I’ve been running earlier.

Packed Free Yoga Class

Despite it being a long weekend, the free yoga class was more crowded than usual. It’s usually fairly full but this time, it was packed to the gills. Our yoga mats were mere inches apart. We all had to stagger on our mats so we wouldn’t hit each other with our arm movements.

I always arrive at the class early since I want to cool down after my run here so the crowd didn’t affect me and I was still able to get my usual spot. However, there were a few of the regulars who arrived at their usual time and found that they had to squeeze in.

One of my favorite instructors was ending her three class arc today. I wish she could be teaching longer but Lululemon seldom has instructors for more than four weeks at a time usually. After class was finished, I felt great! We said our goodbyes to her and are already hoping that she’ll return soon.

Dropped in on Friends

On the run home, I decided to drop in on my friends who I helped move recently. It’s been a week since I was here and I could definitely see the difference. There are less boxes around and more room to walk around. Still, they do have a way to go before it’ll be completely unpacked.

My friend had offered me her old moving boxes but for some reason, I had thought that I had a lot so I declined. But when I checked, I didn’t have many at all! I needed them for glass and china that I want to donate.

I asked her if she still had some and she did. She had advertised on Craigslist for free boxes and put them in her alley, but her neighbor thought he was doing her a favor by taking them to the cardboard recycling bin. She said that she would gather some others for me once she was finished emptying them.

Seeing the progress my friend was making made me motivated to get back to my piles of stuff. My friends invited me for thanksgiving dinner tomorrow, but I didn’t want to intrude, especially since they didn’t have much room yet.

Back to Cleaning and Clearing

I ran the rest of the way home and felt good. Because of the nice weather, I considered going for a longer run but I knew that I should use the time because I still have a long way to go with my cleaning and clearing.

I have so many areas that need to be cleared and organized. I get very distracted and go from room to room. Sometimes I wonder if I should just concentrate on one room at a time? There is only one room in my whole condo that is organized, my second bathroom. I always keep that room clean and relatively clutter free. I know that it is one room that guests are most likely to go in to.

I didn’t spend the whole day cleaning and clearing stuff but I did manage to make some progress. I want to get as much done as possible while I have this logical frame of mind. Once I get sentimental or emotional I know that I won’t be able to get rid of anything without too much thought and deliberation.

If I leave donation boxes and bags in my place for too long, I might venture back into them and decide to take back things. We discussed that in my clutter organization class. We either have to make an effort to get rid of the discards as soon as possible, or better yet, have somebody else take it with them. Although I’m not making as much progress as I’d like, I am managing to make some progress. I just have to keep motivated.

Day Four Hundred and Ninety Six of Unemployment-Fifty and Unemployed

Organizing Tomorrow’s Donation Run

Today, I wanted to try to gather as much to donate tomorrow. I don’t have anything planned today, so I don’t have any excuses not to work on it. I felt a little excited when I managed to get rid of so much stuff on Monday.

I want to keep up this momentum and do this on a regular basis. Today, I set aside some stuff but not as much as before. I need to work at it or it’ll never get done. I’m trying to make this a priority.

Computer Problems

All summer I had worried about my laptop and how long it would last. I researched painstakingly which laptop might be the best to buy during back to school sales. In the end, I decided that I didn’t need to buy one after all and that I could wait until Black Friday in November.

Today however, my laptop shut off abruptly while I was using it. I was perplexed. I was able to reboot again. Later in the day, it happened again. I would be typing an email and then suddenly, click and it was dead.

I googled the problem and it suggested that it might be a heat problem. That sounded plausible. I took some compressed air and tried to clean the vents. I also tried to shut it off if I wasn’t using it. Sometimes, I would let it stay on if I knew that I would return to it so I wouldn’t have to wait for it to reboot again.

So far, it seems to have done the trick. However, I know that I am living on borrowed time. This laptop is almost eight years old. I remember well the day I bought it and I can’t quite believe that I’ve had it this long.

The old MacBook that my brother gave me is not working right now. It is the same age as my laptop. The battery charger and electrical power cord doesn’t work any more. I looked to see how much they were here and new, it was $110. I bought one on eBay for $9 but it’s at my US mailbox. I won’t be going down for a while, so I’ll have to make do with my single laptop that keeps shutting off. Crossed fingers!

Depressed

I felt sad and depressed today again. Despite my plans to clean and gather stuff, I was having a difficult time getting motivated. I’d work a little and then I’d find some excuse to go lie down. Then I’d feel better and get up and do stuff and then repeat the whole process.

This whole week has found me in a sad state. Yesterday was the anniversary of my Mom’s passing. That always has me remembering and thinking. Although it’s been a long time since she passed away, I still think of her everyday.

Friend’s Job Search

I got an email from my friend. I hadn’t heard much from him since his wedding a few weeks ago. He had asked me what I thought about a particular eBay listing. In the past, I’ve bid on things for him and had them sent to my US address. Over the years, he has found a lot of good bargains in camera equipment.

I asked him if he had gone to the Hoot Suite job fair this week but he hadn’t heard of it until it was over. He said that he’s been applying to a lot of places, all different positions, but he still hasn’t found a new job yet. He said that he has taken a part-time job at a retail camera store.

He’s also done part-time extra work as well but he says that he hasn’t worked much with that either. I can only imagine how frustrating it must be to him right now. However, I guess he can’t be too desperate for money if he’s looking at things to buy on eBay!

It makes me think…job figures came out recently that said that the unemployment rate for young people has gone down. Hopefully my young friend will be able to find something soon. In the meantime, my other friend who is close to my age and I am still searching…