Day Five Hundred and Six of Unemployment-Fifty and Unemployed

Woke Up Early

I had another good night’s sleep last night. I don’t know why I had another good night’s sleep but I’m not going to question it. After so many weeks and months of fragmented sleep and anxiety, these last few nights have been welcome! It’s been so long since I’ve had good sleep, I had almost forgotten how nice it can be!

Ran to Free Oakridge Lululemon Yoga Class

I was looking forward to my weekly run to my free yoga class at the Oakridge Lululemon store this morning. Although it was overcast, it wasn’t that cold, so it was a pleasant enough run. Every day that I have a rain-less run is a plus to me.

One of my favorite yoga instructors is back for three weeks! I was glad to hear that! She had taught us a few weeks ago but only for one class. She’s been busy lately so we’re glad that she’s back, if even for just three weeks.

The class was packed. Last week it was really busy and this week it was as well. I noticed that some of the regulars who had usually sauntered in five minutes before class, were here at least fifteen minutes early in order to snag a spot.

Class went well and I left it feeling relaxed and energized at the same time. I regret that I will have to miss next week’s class due to work but there will be one more class with this instructor before she’s off again.

Church Bazaar

Despite my intentions to not spend needlessly, I found myself at a local church bazaar. At our clutter class, we were supposed to test ourselves and go to places to try to make an effort to not acquire anything. It would be like an alcoholic going into a bar and not ordering any alcohol.

Unfortunately, I was not able to pass the test. I did end up buying a few books. I thought long and hard before buying and convinced myself that since it wasn’t much money, I could buy them.

Funny enough, somebody from my clutter group was there! I went up to her and joked, ‘what are you doing here?’. It turned out that this was her church and that she had not only donated things but also volunteered. I didn’t mention that I had weakened and had a bag of books that I had bought there.

Gathering Up Donations

In so many articles and books on clutter, there will often be a rule, something comes in, something has to go out to balance it. Although the rule seems logical, I’ve never been able to abide by it. Today was no exception.

Because I had bought some books, I figured that I should get rid of some books to make up for it. But since I had donated bags of books just last week, I didn’t feel the need to have to do that today.

I do want to pay a visit to the First United Church tomorrow, so I did make a bit of an effort to gather up some stuff to donate. Sometimes I get too sentimental though, and if I’m in a mood like that, I can’t bear to part with anything. It’s better if I just wait to let the mood pass and try again.

Set Up Office

I’ve been trying to think about how my home office will be different from what it was before. Years ago, I had my own eBay business and I used to sell china and art glass, among other things. For a while, I was able to do okay but then once the exchange rate between the US and Canada equalized, I wasn’t able to make as much profit. I eventually abandoned the idea and only used my eBay account for buying.

So now I have to get rid of the inventory that I have in shelves in my home office and replace it will stuff I want to sell from my retail blog. I got started today but it will take a lot more work. As I was sorting stuff out, I felt badly about how my business had failed and it made me sad.

After a while, I just had to stop. Although I do feel pretty optimistic about starting up my home business again, part of me feels anxious and apprehensive. I have to keep trying to be positive.

Day Five Hundred and Five of Unemployment-Fifty and Unemployed

Another Foggy Morning

This morning was another foggy morning. I wonder why we’ve had this streak of foggy weather lately? We had such nice sunny weather for a few days. Now, it’s been overcast and foggy. Well, I can’t complain too much, at least it’s not rainy.

Violin Cram Session

I missed my violin lesson two weeks ago because I had to work. The following week was thanksgiving weekend, so there was no lesson. So it’s been three weeks since I have played.

Of course, I had all that time to practice but I didn’t start until the morning of my lesson. I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to tune it. I was going to go out and buy a digital tuner. Instead, I found an online violin tuner and was able to tune it easily. I was so glad that I didn’t have to spend any money!

Violin Lesson

I walked to my lesson with apprehension and feelings of impending doom. I didn’t get to practice as much as I should have and I dreaded playing. Sure enough, I was having trouble keeping up with the others.

I had been a little cocky during the beginner class because I could already read music from my 12 years of piano lessons. Now, it’s not the music that I need to read, I need to remember the fingering of the strings! This intermediate class is more challenging!

I felt even worse because I’m sure that my bad playing was distracting to my fellow students, especially one of them who is right beside me. I have to miss next week’s class because I’ll be working so I’ll get even more behind. I have to make more of an effort to practice more frequently.

Short Run

After class, I decided to do a short run before it got dark. I wanted to drop in on my friend who works at a thrift store I go to. I hadn’t seen her in weeks so I wanted to catch her, especially since she only works twice a month now.

It is quite quiet on this route. I didn’t see any other runners the whole time. I felt pretty good running, just enjoying the crisp air and the colorful leaves. Why couldn’t this have been the weather during the marathon last month instead of the rain, cold and wind?

I just caught my friend before she left early. She had a meeting that she needed to attend so I barely had time to catch up with her before she had to leave. Now, I won’t see her for two weeks.

Retail Blog

I worked on my retail blog tonight. Although I’ve been maintaining it every day, I wanted to get to the point where I could start setting up my retail business for this blog. Now that my office is half cleared during my clearing campaign, I’m thinking of what would be the best way to set it up to hold both inventory and office supplies.

While I was running, I was thinking of different strategies. In my dreamy state, I wondered if I could even do this as a full-time job. I tried to do this years ago on eBay but once the economy tanked, I had to stop. I wonder if now is the right time to try again?

Day Five Hundred and Four of Unemployment-Fifty and Unemployed

Woke Up Late

I had a good long sleep last night. I didn’t wake up until almost 9 AM! I was surprised because I usually naturally wake up by 7 or so. This is the second day that we have had heavy fog. I wonder if I slept in because I didn’t notice the sunrise?

I have been experiencing fairly good sleep lately. Last week, I felt so depressed and I tended to either over sleep or stay awake with anxiety. This week, as I start to feel more optimistic, I’ve found that I’ve been able to relax more and sleep more soundly.

Awards Ceremony Ticket Win

I received an email from my actor’s union saying that I had won a ticket for the awards ceremony in late November! I had entered a lottery for single tickets. Extra tickets cost $50. This promises to be quite the gala! I was happy to discover later that two other friends also won tickets so I will have people to hang out with. I know some of the nominees, too so I look forward to cheering them on!

Free Movie Screening Win

After being happy about my gala ticket win, I received an email saying that I had won a free movie pass to Robert Redford’s latest movie, All is Lost. I hear that it is Redford’s best performance of his career so I’m really looking forward to seeing it.

Closet Repair

My friend came over to help me re-assemble my closet. A few weeks ago, the rack had come off its pegs due to excessive weight. I wasn’t sure of how to repair it, nor did I really have the tools.

I had gathered up all of the hardware that had come off the nails and anchors and set them aside in a pouch. When my friend asked me for those pieces, I had no clue as to where I had put them. I looked all over and couldn’t find them. I finally remembered that I had put them in that pouch and found it.

So now I have my closet back and can start to put things back in it. I really want to be careful as to how I organize this closet. I want to get rid of as much stuff as possible. This presents the perfect opportunity for me to take a new direction. I may never be a minimalist but I can stop being a hoarder!

Checking Twitter for Friends

I decided to see if I could find some old friends and co-workers on twitter. I have to admit that I was a little surprised with what I found. For example, two friends who I had known in Tokyo over 20 years ago but lost touch with are both PhD’s teaching at universities. And they are also still married after 25 years.

All of the other people I looked up had exceeded my expectations of what they would become. I toy with the idea of following them on twitter but then change my mind. If I do, they will get notification that I am following them and that could initiate a reunion. I wouldn’t want to have them know my present situation, that being over fifty and unemployed.

Restaurant Revisit

I took out two of my friends tonight to the August Jack restaurant in my neighborhood for dinner. A few months ago, I had won a contest where I was supposed to get a special dinner and pairings for four people. That evening did not go well at all. We were all extremely disappointed. Long story short, management encouraged us to return to give them another chance.

We were reluctant to go but finally decided to try again. To our utter surprise, the meal went incredibly well! We all ordered drinks, entrees and a dessert. Everything exceeded our expectations. The food was incredible! We went from never wanting to return after our last visit to becoming big fans with this visit. This was such a treat. I hope that I’ll be able to become a regular once my financial situation improves. It’s just that good!

Day Five Hundred and Three of Unemployment-Fifty and Unemployed

Audition Preparation

I felt excited when I woke up this morning because of my audition today. It has been a long time since I’ve had one. I used to take them so seriously and then got so discouraged with the rejection so I quit doing them.

The thing that took me the longest to do this morning, was to pick out my outfit. I was instructed to wear a blouse, cardigan and put my hair up so as to look older. I agonized over so many different choices before deciding finally on an outfit.

The next thing that took long was to put up my hair. I don’t usually put it up and I’m not really good at stuff like that. Whenever I’ve been checked by the hair people on set, they can always tell when I’ve done my own hair and then hastily take it apart and do it over properly.

Audition

I was running a little late and I only got to the studio with five minutes to spare. I don’t usually like to cut it so close! When I arrived at the studio, I was happy to see a familiar face, a friend of mine. She had finished a few minutes ago and was waiting for her husband to pick her up.

I noticed that I was the only one who was dressed older. I was also probably the youngest one there. All the others were in their late 50s and they were all dressed young in jeans, with their hair down. To me they looked like older people who try desperately to appear younger but don’t really succeed.

When I signed in, I noticed that there were no full union actors on the sheet. I was surprised about that because this is a union commercial. I did see one other full union person later on.

I had signed in but I wasn’t reminded to fill out an application sheet as I should have. I was too busy chatting away with my friend. The sign in person finally reminded me to fill it out. I filled out the usual, like height, weight, measurements. They also asked if I might have any conflicts, like if I have done any other commercials for competitors. They also asked what credits I had in the last two years. That was fast to fill out, I received my credits more than two years ago.

I was paired up with an actor who would play my daughter. She was a beautiful girl who didn’t really resemble me but I guess close enough. We talked a little about what we might do, a mini improvisation bit. My friend had told me about what to expect. We built a little rapport and then were called in.

We slated (said our names) and then did our little bit on camera. Before long, we were excused and were able to go. I was happy with what we did. Callbacks won’t be for a long time so I don’t want to spend time thinking about it much. Even if I got called for a callback I’d have to get past that hoop before getting the holy grail, booking the commercial!

Pajo’s Fish and Chips and Vera’s Burgers for Birthday

It was my Aunt’s birthday, so I took her to my usual birthday activity, getting a free fish and chips from Pajo’s Fish and Chips, the best in Vancouver. If you go on your birthday, they will give you a free fish and chips with drink.

I love their fish and chips and ordered my own halibut and chips. Although I can’t really afford it, this is one splurge that is definitely worth it to me. Although it had been sunny earlier, the fog had moved in and it was chilly by the water.

After doing some shopping, I took her to Vera’s Burgers for a free birthday burger. They have the best burgers in town and this was the first time she would try them. They were a hit. I usually take her to nicer places for her birthday but this year I can’t afford it and she understands. Still, the food was great at these places!

Twitter Activity

Since taking the twitter class last week, I have been getting comfortable with tweeting. I am surprised how much time I can waste by reading all of the tweets put out by those who I’m following. I don’t know how people can follow so many people without being consumed by it all day.

I was checking out my tweets when I came across something. I was so disappointed to discover an event called #Yvrbloggers put on by Hoot Suite! This event featured several successful Vancouver bloggers. Despite all the time I spend on social media, this event just passed me by.

I want to use twitter for more than just a social thing. I want to use it for my job search, networking, too. It’s not quite as direct as LinkedIn is as a business networking tool. I haven’t lost sight of my ultimate goal.

Day Five Hundred and Two of Unemployment-Fifty and Unemployed –

More Cleaning and Clearing

I woke up early this morning to another sunny day. I was feeling a little cheerful. I think I was feeling happier because of the voiceover class that I signed up for yesterday. I was also feeling a little hopeful because of the possibility of another day’s work on a movie, even though that hasn’t been confirmed yet.

Ran to Class

I started out on my run this afternoon and before long, I was getting quite hot and sweaty. It was a lot milder than I thought it would be. Although it wasn’t warm enough to be considered a summer day, it was pretty nice.

I haven’t been having any pain from my Achilles tendon, which is good. However, I have been having a little trouble with my upper hamstring area. The pain is minimal but the strain is there. It’s not enough to even bother taking a pain medication for. I guess I will just continue stretching post run and mention it to my massage therapy student at the next appointment.

Clutter Organization Class

Today was my clutter organization class. We are at the half way point of the program and to my surprise, I have yet to miss a class. I’m not sure how much I’m actually learning from this class. There isn’t anything in particular that I didn’t already know. The trick is to actually put it all in motion.

I have to admit that it is good to be able to discuss my problems with other people who face the same challenges. It’s also good to be able to report my progress to them and to have them encourage and support me. I still have a long way to go and I hope I can step it up in the next weeks.

Ran into Old Co-worker

After class, I ran downtown to meet up with my old co-worker. We meet up almost every week and I’m glad that our friendship has survived my leaving the firm. She was on her way home.

We chatted a while and then, a few minutes later, another old co-worker came by. We hadn’t seen each other since I left the firm a year and a half ago. Oddly enough, at the beginning of our conversation, I really couldn’t remember much about her. It took me a while before I remembered all the names she was mentioning, her son, her husband and the rest of her family.

Then I also remembered how she used to always talk to me when I worked there about all of her problems. I was the only one who allowed her to go on and on about her life. The others cut her off or walked away. So here it was, happening again, where I’d let her talk on and on, and I was too polite to end it. After at least three attempts to get away, I finally broke free.

I had an odd feeling as I walked away. I couldn’t believe how much I had forgotten about my work life even though it’s been five hundred and two days since I left. And also, for all the angst and anxiety that I have experienced since losing my job, mostly due to financial worries, I had forgotten the good about losing that job, no longer having to put up with aggravating people at work and this encounter reminded me of it!

Earthquake Preparedness Class

I ran to a community center to attend an earthquake preparedness class. Since living in Taipei and Tokyo where I experienced many earthquakes, I have a different perspective about them than your typical Vancouverite. I have a keener awareness of the dangers and want to try to learn as much as possible to prepare for the possibility.

I take these classes every couple of years or so, just to keep me current and as a refresher. There were around 8 women, all around the same age as me, which I thought was curious. There were no men at all, whereas at other classes I’ve attended, there have been some men. I’m glad that I took this course and even won a book on BC earthquakes as a prize!

Notice of TV commercial audition

I checked my messages and discovered one from my extras agent. She said that she wanted to send me for an audition tomorrow. I was surprised since it’s been quite a while since I’ve done one.

This one tomorrow is for a TV commercial. It would be SOC, silent on camera, which is good because I hate memorizing lines! The character is to be a 50 something woman who is cooking with her late 20 something daughter. My agent suggested me and although I am 51 years old, the casting director had reservations about my looking too young.

That’s nice to look younger, but I’d rather get the work! I was instructed by them to wear a blouse and a cardigan and put my hair up. I could totally do that! My audition isn’t until after noon, so I’d still have time to get ready tomorrow. I went to bed hopeful.

Day Five Hundred and One of Unemployment-Fifty and Unemployed –

Woke Up to do Last Minute Reading

I woke up to another beautiful sunny day. This is unusual for Vancouver at this time of year. Usually, it’s rainy and dark at this point. Instead, it was a crisp sunny day and there were lovely colorful leaves all over the streets.

Voice Over Scripts Selection

I had arranged to do my demo recording later tonight, so I spent the morning going through possible scripts to read. There were several scripts and I could see myself doing any of these well. I think that I would do conservative, voice of reason, confident characters the best.

I also read the demo chapters from two of the books on voiceovers that I had taken out from the library. I was able to renew them for two more weeks so I’m hoping that I’ll be able to finish them by then. I managed to finish the first book that I had taken out a few days ago.

Voiceover Class Offered

I happened to check my email before I was leaving for my UBC volunteer gig. There was notice of a class being offered by my actor’s union, UBCP. This one would be 4 classes and it would concentrate on commercial narration. It will be taught by somebody who has had many years experience.

I was surprised that this class was offered so soon after the first voiceover class that I had taken a few weeks ago. I couldn’t resist and I sent in my reservation. I figured that since I was sending it in only six minutes after it was offered I would likely get in.

Now that I was taking another class, there was no point in rushing with my demo. I would have to postpone it yet again. It’s just as well since I don’t feel completely confident enough to produce the best demo that I think I could.

Ran to UBC Volunteer Gig

I was in a happier frame of mind when I hit the streets to UBC. Although it started out a little chilly, it was nice and sunny and I was happy to be wearing my shades! As I ran by the golf course, I noticed a few diehard golfers taking advantage of the sunny, dry course. I was able to run a fairly fast pace, too.

When I got to UBC, I explained what had happened to my friend who was going to produce my demo. He used to produce demos when he worked at a radio station. He agreed that it was a good idea for me to defer doing the demo until I finished this second course.

Ran Back Home

It was still sunny but a little cooler when I ran back home. These days sunset is fairly early. I knew that I would have to dig out my head lamp if I was going to be running in the dark. I have a whole get up with blinking head lamps, glow in the dark striped clothing and even strips on my running shoes.

I don’t care if I look like something from the Las Vegas strip with my outfit. Vancouver drivers are really distracted and need something to make them pay attention to runners and their driving. I don’t like to run in the dark usually but sometimes, I have no choice.

Email from Extras Casting Director

When I got home, I was happy to receive an email from an extras casting director about a shoot coming up. It said that if I had a particular wardrobe or look, there was a chance that I could get booked for a day. I had plenty of costumes for this very occasion.

I gathered up some photos of me dressed up in those costumes. Although I had worked on this production before, I was convinced that I could get away with working on it again since I don’t think I was prominently featured and I had a totally different look.

Although it is only a chance for a single day of shooting, I’m still feeling lifted and a little optimistic. Given my gloomy disposition lately, it’s a welcome feeling. I send he casting director the email with my photos and cross my fingers. I hope she will seriously consider me for it. I need the work even if it is just one day.

Day Five Hundred of Unemployment-Fifty and Unemployed –

Woke up Feeling Depressed

I woke up this morning feeling depressed. I’ve been feeling sad for the last week or so. Part of me wants to just stay in bed all day and feel sorry for myself. Instead, I got up but still felt sorry for myself all day.

It was another beautiful sunny day which almost made me feel guilty for feeling so crappy. My mood would have been better matched with lousy weather, like dark, rainy and cold. I considered going for a run to lift my spirits but just couldn’t get motivated.

The main reason why I am so depressed today is because I have hit a new milestone, day five hundred of being unemployed. I never in my wildest of dreams imagined that I would still be unemployed (full-time) at this point. But here I am, still blogging my sad life.

Made Family Holiday Calls

Because it was Thanksgiving, I made calls to different people. First, I made a call to my Great Aunt’s 91-year-old boyfriend in Montreal. After my Great Aunt passed away last year, I make an effort to call him on all of the holidays. After him, I called my Uncle who, like me, tends to avoid family gatherings on Thanksgiving. We chatted for over 90 minutes.

Then, I called my Dad as I do everyday and asked him how his Thanksgiving went with my brother and my cousins. I’m glad that he was able to have a nice Thanksgiving with them.

Accident Prone Today

At lunch, I was moving something on the counter and some how the plate that had my sandwiches, flipped over and landed on the floor. And for some inexplicable reason, all of the bread landed on the wet mayonnaise side. It was a total mess and waste. I just shrugged and thought that of course, something like that would happen to me on a day like today.

Later, when I was moving a piece of pumpkin pie from the counter, an empty glass plate that was on the ledge fell on the floor and shattered into many small pieces. I was surprised that the fall would cause that much breakage.

Even though I have several plates, I don’t know why, but I was very sad that I broke that plate. It was almost as if I was grieving about it. I know that it was probably not the plate itself but that it represented some other loss in my life.

Cleaning and Clearing

I still had the motivation today to do some more organizing. This time, I started with my office. I had a huge pile of magazines there that I wanted to get rid of. Some of these magazines were five years old! I flipped through one and I was surprised to see how much the people’s lives have changed. In one in particular, I was surprised to see so many people had since become divorced in the five years since that magazine came out.

I have a lot of old computer equipment in my office that I needed to get rid of. Like a lot of people, I have old printers that are now obsolete. Back then, the ink cartridges were so expensive, it was almost cheaper to just buy a new printer when they were on sale. And yes, I did do the do-it-yourself ink refills for a while but that was such a mess and it never did produce the same results.

I used to volunteer for Free Geeks Vancouver, which is a non-profit that accepts old computer equipment and then recycles them. After volunteering a certain amount of hours, you get a free recycled computer and a discount in the recycled parts store. What I liked about Free Geeks is that they would teach the volunteers about different things about computers and that they made an effort to recycle as much as possible from the computers.

Although I did accomplish a bit today, I still have a long way to go. Sometimes, it gets so overwhelming I wonder if I’ll ever be able to organize everything. I have to rest and then start again.

Bad Frozen Turkey Dinner

Because I knew that I would be spending Thanksgiving alone, I picked up a Stouffer’s frozen turkey dinner that only cost $2.50. I had been looking forward to eating it for days. The photo on the box looked good but when I actually ate it, it was a disappointment. It was edible but it was hardly home-made like, as it said on the box. I felt even more pathetic when I was eating that.

I should have listened to my friends and at least spent more bucks to get a decent thanksgiving dinner. What could I possibly expect from a $2.50 frozen dinner? I really have to kick it up a notch next year, if not Safeway’s, maybe Whole Foods?

Day Four Hundred and Ninety Nine of Unemployment-Fifty and Unemployed –

Ran to Weekly Free Lululemon Yoga Class and Back

This morning was another beautiful sunny day. It was a little cold but I had a headband under my cap to keep out the wind. It was also cold enough to warrant wearing mitts.

This run was just as nice as it was yesterday. I was able to run at a fairly fast pace uphill. As usual, the streets were deserted at this time of the morning for the most part. I used to run into some of the Running Room Sunday runners but I’ve been running earlier.

Packed Free Yoga Class

Despite it being a long weekend, the free yoga class was more crowded than usual. It’s usually fairly full but this time, it was packed to the gills. Our yoga mats were mere inches apart. We all had to stagger on our mats so we wouldn’t hit each other with our arm movements.

I always arrive at the class early since I want to cool down after my run here so the crowd didn’t affect me and I was still able to get my usual spot. However, there were a few of the regulars who arrived at their usual time and found that they had to squeeze in.

One of my favorite instructors was ending her three class arc today. I wish she could be teaching longer but Lululemon seldom has instructors for more than four weeks at a time usually. After class was finished, I felt great! We said our goodbyes to her and are already hoping that she’ll return soon.

Dropped in on Friends

On the run home, I decided to drop in on my friends who I helped move recently. It’s been a week since I was here and I could definitely see the difference. There are less boxes around and more room to walk around. Still, they do have a way to go before it’ll be completely unpacked.

My friend had offered me her old moving boxes but for some reason, I had thought that I had a lot so I declined. But when I checked, I didn’t have many at all! I needed them for glass and china that I want to donate.

I asked her if she still had some and she did. She had advertised on Craigslist for free boxes and put them in her alley, but her neighbor thought he was doing her a favor by taking them to the cardboard recycling bin. She said that she would gather some others for me once she was finished emptying them.

Seeing the progress my friend was making made me motivated to get back to my piles of stuff. My friends invited me for thanksgiving dinner tomorrow, but I didn’t want to intrude, especially since they didn’t have much room yet.

Back to Cleaning and Clearing

I ran the rest of the way home and felt good. Because of the nice weather, I considered going for a longer run but I knew that I should use the time because I still have a long way to go with my cleaning and clearing.

I have so many areas that need to be cleared and organized. I get very distracted and go from room to room. Sometimes I wonder if I should just concentrate on one room at a time? There is only one room in my whole condo that is organized, my second bathroom. I always keep that room clean and relatively clutter free. I know that it is one room that guests are most likely to go in to.

I didn’t spend the whole day cleaning and clearing stuff but I did manage to make some progress. I want to get as much done as possible while I have this logical frame of mind. Once I get sentimental or emotional I know that I won’t be able to get rid of anything without too much thought and deliberation.

If I leave donation boxes and bags in my place for too long, I might venture back into them and decide to take back things. We discussed that in my clutter organization class. We either have to make an effort to get rid of the discards as soon as possible, or better yet, have somebody else take it with them. Although I’m not making as much progress as I’d like, I am managing to make some progress. I just have to keep motivated.

Day Four Hundred and Ninety Eight of Unemployment-Fifty and Unemployed –

Saturday Morning Run

I woke up this morning to a gorgeous sunny day. I couldn’t resist going out for a short run. I wanted to take advantage of this nice weather before the rainy season starts. We are getting a reprieve from the rain and I don’t know when it’ll start up again.

I knew that it would be a short run today. I didn’t quite have the motivation to do more than five or six miles. I took my usual uphill route that I do on the weekend and felt pretty good doing it.

It’s been two weeks since I ran the marathon and I haven’t felt any repercussions at all. I’m feeling absolutely fine. Running has been just the same as it was before the race. I’m back to just enjoying running for running’s sake.

Salvation Army Visit

Although I really shouldn’t be doing any shopping, I couldn’t resist stopping off at the Salvation Army thrift store. The $2 sale continued today. Although this was the second day of the sale, I thought I’d check to see what was left.

The store I went to was crowded, a lot more than the one I went to yesterday. As I had expected, the store was picked over. I did find one dress that I wanted. It was only $2 so I rationalized that I could allow myself to buy it. I ignored the voices in my head that were telling me that I shouldn’t be buying anything, $2 or not.

More Cleaning and Clearing

I continued to do my cleaning and clearing this afternoon. I had stored my suits in my den and I was now having to move them all to my second bedroom because I want to empty my den. As I carried each suit into the other room, I got a little sad. I wondered if I would ever again find a need to wear these suits.

I went online to check out a charity that collects business wear, suits for women who are returning into the work force and need interview clothing. I thought that I could donate some of the suits that I don’t want and don’t apparently need. Unfortunately, they are not accepting any donations right now.

Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn’t give away most of my suits. Sometimes I feel angry and frustrated about the whole thing. This doesn’t help my depression either.

News of Passing of Old Classmate

I was reading the obituaries of my old home town and noticed the name of an old classmate. He was one of my first crushes when I was in the first grade. He was a leader of my group in a sports day activity. I was in grade one and he was an older boy, in grade 3. I remember that day like it was yesterday instead of over 46 years ago. He was just so cute and charismatic. I hadn’t seen him in decades.

I was so sad to hear of his passing. He was only 53 years. It said that he had passed away from cancer. I’m used to seeing obituaries of friends’ parents not people of my age group. It makes me even more aware of my own mortality, too.

Depression Continues

I continued to feel depressed today. Although I had felt a little lift when I went running and then when I bought my $2 dress, nothing else cheered me up the rest of the day. Well, I guess eating a bag of Doritos helped a little.

Long weekends tend to make me sad so I guess it shouldn’t be surprising that I am feeling sadder right now. I feel as if I don’t deserve a long weekend since I’m not working full-time. The fact that it is a long weekend and that I have been thinking about my Mom’s passing anniversary and then hearing about my old classmate’s death has just contributed to it all.

I need something to happen in my life to lift me up. Something to give me some encouragement. Something to make me feel optimistic. I need that something soon!

Day Four Hundred and Ninety Seven of Unemployment-Fifty and Unemployed

Charity Donation Drop-off

I woke up early to do some last-minute gathering of stuff that I was going to take to the Salvation Army and First United Church in the downtown east side. I managed to gather a cart full of stuff that barely fit in my trunk.

I got to the first stop, the Salvation Army when it opened. I have to admit that I had an ulterior motive for donating here, too. Today was there $2 sale. I couldn’t resist looking around. I found a couple of things for my retail blog and three dresses. Total was $8. I tried to justify my spending because it wasn’t much money though I know that I really shouldn’t be acquiring anything until I clear out my home.

I guess this would be considered a relapse, much like when an addict resorts back to the bad behavior. It doesn’t help that I’ve been feeling depressed lately and I’m sure that this buying lifted my spirits. This is what they would call retail therapy.

Downtown Eastside Donation

I drove to the downtown eastside to drop off my donation to the First United Church again. This time, since I was alone, I couldn’t just stop and run up with my donation. This time, I had to find a parking spot and then load up my cart and walk back.

As I walked on the street with my cart filled to the brim, it occurred to me that anybody looking at me might assume that I am another homeless person, carting their worldly possessions with them. As I entered the line in the church, some of the people were watching me, wondering why I was there with the cart.

When I got to the desk, I told them that I had donations for them. They asked me if I was donating on behalf of a group and I said no, just me. They were particularly grateful for the shopping bag full of toiletries that I had gathered-things like samples of shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, dental floss, hand lotion, etc.

They were also glad to get the big shopping bag full of books that I had brought. I had brought several bags of books on Monday as well. I want to keep doing this. There are so many books in my library that I just have to admit that I will never read. I’m going to go through my books again this week.

More Cleaning and Clearing

When I got home, I felt motivated again to start looking for more stuff to donate to the church shelter. I think the secret to this success will to be emotionally detached from my things. I have to make fast decisions to get rid of things. If I stop and ponder, there’s more of a chance that I’ll want to keep it.

For example, I found a gift bag from two birthdays ago. My friend had given me this green handbag that I will never ever wear. She also gave me this beaded wool vest. That’s something I’d never ever wear either. The last thing in the bag was two bouquets of fake roses with fake dew on it, too.

I remember that all I did was stuff it away in my closet. But now I have to face it. I’ll have to give these all away. It’s too bad because she probably spent a bit of money on it all. I feel badly for having to get rid of it. Hopefully somebody will appreciate that stuff.

Depression

I started to get those nagging feelings of depression throughout the day. My emotions were running the gamut between satisfaction to despair. I’d get hungry and eat bad things and then get sleepy.

This whole week has been a bit of a struggle for me, emotionally and mentally wise. I’m having a hard time coping and feeling optimistic. I’m not sure what I’m going to do if I can’t snap out of this funk soon. Pretty soon the bad weather will come and then it’ll get even worse.